I used to despise the expression “Cougar” for all the conspicuous reasons. To begin with, it evoked pictures of Mrs. Robinson in a support and straps, smoke billowing around her alcoholic head as she tempted a powerless (however willing) Benjamin. Streak forward to panther clad women more than 40 showing an excessive amount of cleavage, voguing in 4 inch stilettos, hanging out at bars, guzzling wine and dragging home youthful prey. Each time the media interviewed me, I cringed, knowing the conspicuous inquiries would be asked: “Isn’t this pretty much sex?” “Isn’t this pretty much cash?” I attempted to explain to them that in my 20 years of research as a human conduct look into analyst and world’s premier expert on cross generational dating and psychosexual imprinting (interpretation: Cougar and Cub dating) that they had everything incorrectly. The media is promoting what I coined “The Myth of Stiffler’s Mom” as in the film American Pie. Stiffler’s mother lures a young fellow, yet he is not the 6 pack stomach muscle, GQ display sort. He is develop for his age, an intelligent. He gets in her mind before he gets in her bed. The younger men and the media who think the younger man/older woman relationship is just about sex or cash have never been involved with an older woman. On the off chance that they had, they’d know reality.
The certainties are genuinely straightforward, and I say these with a lot of certainty, as this is a statistic of individuals I have examined formally for more than 20 years. In the event that you know about the ringer molded bend, you can without much of a stretch see that the chime formed bend can be connected to pretty much anything in life. How about we plot out the younger man older woman dynamic on it and see what we find: In the waist of the bend we have the vast majority of the older women. “Older women” can be viewed as any woman in her 20’s and older who date younger men. The larger part of these women who fall in the waist of the bend are ages 40-50. These are Cougars. Women in their 30’s are Pumas. Women in their 20’s are Kittens. Panthers and Kittens fall outside the focal point of the ringer formed bend. Suppose they are 1 standard deviation far from the Mean, to one side of the waist. Women in their 60’s and older are Panthers. How about we put them to one side of the center of the ringer formed bend. There are less Kittens, Pumas and Panthers than there are Cougars; however for argument, they are all “Cougars.”
What is a Cougar? Numerous women dislike this moniker, as did I, in view of reasons I have given above. Individuals really get furious with me for using the word in my articles and research. Try not to shoot the delivery person. I didn’t coin the word and I didn’t mark it. Accuse the media. They are the ones who need to influence Cougars to look like hypochondriac, caricaturist, kid insane, wackadoos.
I truly had a viceral response each time I heard the word mentioned, read it in an article or saw my fingers typing it onto my PC screen.
Here is what I have acknowledged and here is what I have pushed to the a large number of individuals from my Cougar dating site: YOU define what a Cougar is for yourself. Try not to let the media. your companions, different Cougars, younger men or supposed “specialists” reveal to you how to define yourself as a Cougar. There are fundamental ingredients that do make up the definition: an older woman who dates, mates as well as weds a younger man. That is the fundamental criteria. You don’t need to look like Courteney Cox, have Demi Moore’s cash, have Madonna’s certainty, or Cher’s prosperity to be a Cougar. Individuals who say a Cougar is a “hot, certain, fruitful, develop woman who comprehends what she needs” is leaving out the larger part of women who see themselves as Cougars yet who may not be effective or attractive or sure. Actually, she might be new out of a 20 year stale marriage, up to her eyeballs owing debtors and feeling insecure about those additional 20 pounds however finds that she is pulled in to and open to an association with a younger man.
There are “specialists” who will endeavor to tell individuals that a woman can be a Cougar just on the off chance that she is more than 40. Not genuine. There are women on my dating site who are in their late 20’s who date men 7 to 10 years younger who see themselves as Cougars. Being a Cougar is less about your age, financial status, body sort or certainty level than it is about your want to date a younger man.
I truly do endeavor to set the record straight for the media; however they print the obscene sex and cash point in any case.
In my Ph.D. look into venture “Youth Psychosexual Imprinting and the Effects it Has on Adult Male and Female Relationships Specific to Younger Men Dating Older Women” I interviewed over a thousand men about their want to be with an older woman. Each man could give me section and verse about a “defining moment” in his life when he moved toward becoming imprinted with a want to be with an older woman: a teacher, sitter, companion of an older sister, mother’s best female companion, performing artists on TV and movies; the rundown continues endlessly. For these men, it was not about the Myth of Stiffler’s Mom. It was not a come in the roughage with Mrs. Robinson, it was a capable imprint that has remained with them for the duration of their lives and props them up back to older women over and over.
I have interviewed men in their 30’s who have been hitched to older women who are looking for their next older spouse. I have interviewed men in their 40’s and 50’s who decline to date women their age and younger and select instead for the more develop woman. I met a man who was 82 years of age who revealed to me,”I simply wedded an older woman,” and after that he included with a wink,”Sex with an older woman is constantly better.” 82!
Psychosexual imprinting is a subject matter of mine as it identifies with the younger man/older woman dynamic. The “psycho” part needs to do with the mental part of the imprint and the young fellow’s identity and how it is shaped and imprinted upon. The “sexual” part is prima sash self-evident. Imprinting is an intense, defining moment in a person’a life. We as a whole have imprints, some positive, some not positive. The younger man who has imprinted emphatically with an older woman will search out and bond with older women for whatever is left of his life. It’s not a one time, insignificant blip on a few people’s radar kind of thing.
This is what the media does not comprehend about this dating dynamic. What’s more, it is not comprehended by many alleged “Cougar Experts” who are jumping on a temporary fad to offer books and speed dating sessions. My examination here is broad, extensive and documented; which is the reason CNN alludes to me as The Uber Cougar.
Along these lines, on the off chance that you are a Cougar, don’t be embarrassed by this term. It is not disdainful. It is not a put down. “Wear the paw with satisfaction” as we say on my dating site. Define your identity as a Cougar and disperse the myths that are out there. What’s more, don’t hesitate to email me with any inquiries you may have about my examination and this dynamic. Ageism is the last obstruction we are breaking down in dating. Regardless of the possibility that you are not a Cougar at any rate now you comprehend somewhat more about what one genuinely is…and is definitely not.